Stirrin' up the troubs

I'm wondering if some of the people who think they have a gluten sensitivity actually have a sensitivity to all the crap that goes into processed foods like pasta and factory bread. Maybe once those sources are removed from the diet, the "gluten" reactions from other, more natural sources are actually psychosomatic?


This "theory" is really just wishful thinking. But I wonder if it has been examined? I was too lazy to look it up before I started typing this blog post. Besides, I think it's best to put all inflammatory ideas straight on to the internet without thinking about it first.

Speaking of inflammatory, you know who's crazy? Paleo diet people. No legumes but go ahead and eat a rasher of bacon at every meal. Because you know, Paleolithic man was awesome at charcuterie. And don't get me started on the unsustainability of the entire human race eating eight ounces of grass fed beef three times a day.

Actually, you know what, I bet not ALL Paleo diet people are crazy. I bet there are those of them who quietly refrain from eating grains and dairy and are just as put off as I am by the idea of having steak and six eggs for breakfast every morning. It's unfortunate when a few bloggers ruin it for everybody else. At any rate, those crazy bloggers introduced me to the wonders of pastured butter. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Joe Camel's big comeback starts today

Hey, good news everybody! Butter is good for you!

Seriously, in case you haven't heard - and I'm sure you haven't because you are a slave to The Machine and all - saturated fat is good for you. It keeps you from being sick and helps curb cravings. You should drink whole milk, not skim milk, because the fat in the milk keeps the lactose from spiking your blood sugar. Who knew? Well, I did. And now you do. You're welcome.

What's funny about this is that I just joked the other night that by the time Marlo is a teenager, they probably will have decided that cigarettes are good for you. We all had a hearty laugh over that one. But now I'm feeling 95% confident that it will actually happen. So I guess what I'm saying is, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

It's all fun and games 'til the baby gets salmonella

Let's count all the ways I'm endangering my child's life in this picture, shall we?

Now, before you take any umbrage, let me assure you that she did not actually ingest any raw cookie dough. That I am aware of. She was just really, really in to grabbing that spoon. She actually got a hold of it while I was still in the butter and white sugar only phase, and got butter and sugar everrrrrrywhere. Husband was none too concerned about getting it cleaned up. "But she'll be all butter-hands!" I protested, to which he replied, "better than butter-face!" Hearty har har. Such a wit, that one.

On to child-endangerment, part two. Look at how perilously close to the edge that Bebe Pod is! I actually didn't realize that at the time, and was sort of shocked when I saw the pictures. Wait, don't tell me - she shouldn't be up there at all, right? Right. I know. If it makes you feel any better, she's on the floor now. Watching TV, as a matter of fact. Damn, I can't win.

Paula Deen

I just saw Paula Deen make a quiche with hashbrowns for crust and a coffee cake sweetened with a packet of butterscotch puddin'. I missed the method for the quiche, but I'm pretty sure there was at least a stick of butter involved. Pretty sure because of the crispy GB&D-ness of that crust, and also because it is Paula Deen we're talking about, after all.

I didn't so much watch the rest of the episode of Home Cookin' (or whatever her show is called) as I did zone out on the TV, fantasizing that Paula Deen was actually my mother and that she had insisted I come back home to Savannah and take to my floral chintz-and-toile-replete bed, so that she might feed me properly for the duration of my pregnancy. Just so long as she kept those idiot boys of her away from me, it could be the perfect set up.