One of my besties is going back to work after four years staying at home with the kids. "Going back to work" is kind of a euphemism in this case, for "getting the eff out of Dodge." She is so ready to re-enter the rat race that she was touring the daycare centers before she even got the interviews.
All of this fills me with a sort of weird self-loathing- envy- anxiety- insecurity- stew that has led to much wringing of the hands and drinking of the alcoholic beverages. It's another example of how I don't measure up. She has passed the judgment that staying at home sucks and the right thing to do is work outside the home, so therefore I am wrong and stupid.
For a couple of days I thought about how I could make it happen. I thought about where I could go and what I could do. I thought about how good it would feel to sit at a desk and answer emails about BUSINESS, and go to meetings and wear pencil skirts and heels.
Then I remembered all that shit sucks.
3 comments:
Hey... I've been enjoying the stay at home Mom gravy train thing for 16 years... trust me... growing veggies in the back yard and baking cupcakes for bake sales is 10,005 times better than having to wear pencil skirts.
I'm always struggling with the stay at home thing. I always wonder about if I should go back to work. It's a constant struggle...even 13 months after having my baby. Argh.
I hate to tell you this, but it might be a long time before you're totally at peace with what you do, working outside of the home or not. I know I'm not there yet. Pretty much the way it goes is working moms are selfish and stay-at-home moms are stupid.
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