Monday, September 19, 2011

in the name of science

I'm thinking of starting a rather ambitious little lifestyle project.

After spending a weekend talking to people about their various dietary limitations, mostly self-imposed, and reading this blog post this morning, I am thinking about taking several different 10 day diet challenges back to back. Like, 10 days meat free, then 10 dairy free, then 10 gluten get the point. I just want to have spent some time on each of these programs so that I know when to roll my eyes and when to nod knowingly.

But I have so many unknowns at this point. Like, is 10 days enough? Would seven be enough? Lots of the "Go (insert food product here) Free!" websites seem to suggest 10 day trials. Ten days sounds like a lot if things are going poorly. And to truly judge the results, would I have to take some down time in between trials? I don't want to be getting into the delicious holiday season with a bunch of stupid self-inflicted restrictions on me. Winter is for eating and storing blubber in case of nuclear holocaust, period.

And what about overcompensating for missing certain foods with eating other foods? What if I were to miss cheese so much that I made up for it by drinking a fifth of whiskey every night? I mean, that would probably interfere with my results.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

That explains it

Whoa. I just tried the new blogger interface and my mind is blown. How long has this been an option?

Of course, I just read that blogger is a dead/dying website because nobody gives a crap about blogs anymore. Nobody wants to read them and nobody wants to write them. That's what the, um, BLOG post I was reading said, anyways.

I do love twitter and all, but I love it for being the perfect medium for funny little snarky comments. I have severe twitter performance anxiety, because so much depends on those 140 characters. You have to get it right. Plus, I feel like I need like 3 different aliases, so that I can tweet to a target audience. I've got plenty of funny sports commentary to make while watching sporting events, but that's going to bore the shit out of people not watching the same game. For instance.

I'm kind of scared of becoming too involved with twitter, too. It was bad enough back in the day when your facebook status had to start "Tori is" and half my thoughts throughout the day started that way. Of course I mostly think in snarky comments anyway, so it probably wouldn't make that big of a difference. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

I have not been compensated for this endorsement

Warning! Self-indulgent workout results post ahead.

Yesterday was day 15 of the 30 day shred. It was actually about 20 calendar days into it, since I lost three days to the stomach flu and added in my two days of stroller boot camp last week.

The results are pretty impressive, unless you are a scale person. I haven't lost any weight. But I have more muscle in my ass than I've ever had, so I'm guessing that's why. What I have lost is inches, two and a half of them from my waist. I've lost an inch from both my bust and my bra band, which probably means I could size down a cup size. That would be fine by me, a career big B/small C girl who's been in double D and beyond land ever since getting knocked up.

It's a nice feeling to sweat every day. No really, it is. And I love that the workouts are short, so even if I don't really feel like doing it, I know that in half an hour it will all be behind me. Plus, I've lost all these inches without thinking twice about what I'm eating. For me, that's totally the point of working out - eating more. I have no fitness goals, only cake eating goals. But speaking of fitness, I can totally do real push-ups now. No girly knee push-ups for me.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I'll name drop the hell out of this one

Did I tell you about how I got an email telling me to click here to win a chance to meet Oprah, so I did? That doesn't even sound like me, but it's true. I guess now I'm the sort of person who tries to win a trip to meet Oprah.

It's not exactly like I'm trying to win, though. I mean, it's pretty hard to call it trying when all that was involved was volunteering my email address, for what is sure to be sale to the next 14 highest bidders who want to sell me maxi pads and dish soap or whatever.

Really, my thought process was basically something along the lines of this: if Oprah wants to buy me a plane ticket and put me up in a hotel, feed me three meals a day and shake my hand, who am I to say no to that? It would be sort of like turning down a free trip to meet Santa or Elvis or something. Why not do it, just to have an anecdote for one of those awkward moments when you're asked to share something interesting about yourself, and your mind goes completely blank?

Of course there was this one time in high school when I turned down meeting William Shatner, but I still think that was the right call on that one. Have you seen Shatner's Raw Nerve? It's like the most awkward horrible train wreck you could ever imagine. I kind of love it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

who doesn't love to talk about barf

So I was just sitting around watching the clock, wondering if it was appropriate to go to bed at quarter after eight, when I realized - I should write a blog post! That should get me past the nine o'clock mark.

Where have I been, anyway. Oh yeah. Last weekend it was the crippling sickness. I started feeling just a little nauseous at bedtime Friday before last, and by 1:45 or so I was playing Sophie's Toilet Choice. This lovely little scene repeated itself hourly until the sun came up, and I managed to not die of dehydration before Marlo got up and Mo could run to the store to get me Sprite and Popsicles.  All day Saturday I just lay there comatose, alternating between fever and chills. I ate four oyster crackers and a piece of toast. Then around 5:30 pm Mo came crawling (literally) into the bedroom and said he didn't feel so good. So the both of us crawled to the kitchen, managed to put some sort of food in front of Marlo, and put her to bed shortly after six. Then we both got back in our bed and stayed there until morning. Thank God that Marlo didn't object to being parked in her crib so early. I really have no idea what we would have done if she had refused to go to bed. I think she would have had to stay in there crying.

Sunday I made great strides - I got out of bed and onto the couch. Mo never actually got all the way sick, and was feeling okay-ish, but Marlo still spent the majority of her day watching Sesame Street and/or Project Runway. I think Sunday I managed two pieces of toast and maybe even some chicken noodle soup by dinner.

The worst part about it (besides the uncontrollable wretching) was that I lost three days of my Shred. I wasn't strong enough to work out again until Tuesday, and although I basically ate four pieces of bread all weekend I don't think the stomach flu makes for a reliable diet plan.  Tomorrow I step it up another level, though, and start a six week mom and baby bootcamp class. When I called to sign up and spoke to the instructor, she seemed super nice. Until after I gave her my credit card info. Then she started laughing like a maniac and promising she was going to kick my ass. I'm half parts exaggerating/half scared shitless.