Tuesday, July 26, 2011

On sleep

I am really beginning to daydream about the day that Marlo's sleep habits are no longer any of my concern. I wonder what I used to even think about with all this brain space that is now used to calculate naps and bedtimes and wake up times for another person.

Since she was old enough to have a bedtime and wasn't just on the infant sleep-eat-poop-repeat cycle, her bedtime has been seven. And she has always been ready for it and gone down happily anywhere from 6:50 to 7:20. But lately, we've been pushing it, and putting her to bed anywhere from 7:30 to 8:30. Huh, funny, but lately she's been an out of sorts trainwreck who refuses to nap, I wonder if the two could possibly be related. Last night I put her down at 6:50 and never heard a peep from her. She slept like a brick through my check-in at 11:30, and didn't wake up until eight. 

Life is amazing and wonderful when she sleeps until eight. At least that's what I thought at eight this morning when she woke me up.  It seems like it has the potential to be really great when she's ready to drop the morning nap. But as of right now, she still mostly needs it. And personally I don't know why any stay at home mom in her right mind would actually exert energy to try and get rid of that nap sooner. She's a girl who loves to sleep and I should shut up and enjoy it before I am cursed with a never-sleeper the next time.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Rainy afternoon food network musings

Not that you asked, but I have absolutely no desire to be Giada De Laurentiis's friend. Any time I've ever seen her do a show about having a party it looks super uncomfortable to me. Maybe it has something to do about how she's always getting in everybody's face demanding that they agree with her about how delicious her food is. It's very needy. Also, the awkward thing I just saw with her taking a turn in the DJ booth was very hard to watch. I can't imagine having to see it in person and pretend I was okay with it.

I figured out my Curtis Stone thing from awhile back. He looks like Ryan Gosling in drag. THAT is what it is.

Speaking of (TV) chefs, let's talk about this whole Meatless Monday thing for a minute. Do leftovers count? I don't think they do. I think if you are eating meat leftovers on Monday, you have not broken the sacrament. But then I'm a firm believer in the spirit over the letter.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

With apologies to my reader(s)

It is my personal opinion that it blows that moms don't get sick days. I mean, I'm not very sick. Not sick enough that I would stay home from a "real job," but still. Why do I got to get up and deal with somebody else's day when I don't even feel like getting up to deal with my own?

I have the kind of annoying head congestion where when it's through with giving me sinus pain, it's draining slowly down the back of my throat, feeling somewhat akin to what I imagine it would feel like if somebody was playing that game where you can't let the marble drop with all the little plastic skewers using your throat as the plastic cylinder.  Sore throats are maybe my least favorite symptom, because they interfere with so many useful life activities (i.e., talking, eating).

Well crap - this has turned into a bunch of self indulgent horse shit, hasn't it? Anyway, I wish I had something better to post, but since I don't I'm going for quantity over quality.

It is my fervent hope that someday chocolate chip cookies will be deemed the cure for the common cold.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Ketchup: the breakfast of champions

I decided to forgo the green smoothie this morning in favor of leftover fatty omelet and potatoes from Sunday morning. I did this under the rationale that I didn't want the (relatively) expensive restaurant food go to waste; in reality, I did it because fatty omelet > spinach and banana smoothie. By, oh, say a million and a half.

I ate the leftovers despite the fact that they contain both meat AND cheese, which are the two things most wrong with the world according to this report released yesterday by the Environmental Working Group. Yesterday I was all depressed about it, how I had to face facts and quit eating the cheese, even if cheese IS the most delicious thing ever invented by man. Obviously my fleeting pleasure over a plate of nachos is not worth the lives of thousands of cute little polar bear cubs, right? But then I remembered that this guy exists, and he is a fantastic example of American Can-Do Ingenuity, and he is going to save cheese for us. He is to be exalted on high, if you ask me.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Scared Straight

If I were going to give a speech to teenagers, in an effort to convince them that they should not get knocked up just to get on "16 and Pregnant," I would be sure to include something along these lines:

Being a mother means that you will at some point find yourself sitting on a toilet, in moderate to severe intestinal distress, reading some inane, rhyme-y board book (that you have already read ten THOUSAND times), out loud and in your most cheerful, sing-song voice. You will do this because you will have no other options. This is what your life will have come to be.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Next: This super cool new dance called the Macarena

Did you know that wheat grass is the miracle cure for everything? I was not aware until I decided that I had better start drinking some sort of smoothie for breakfast, because I don't ever eat breakfast or fruit. Then I learned that even better than a regular smoothie is a GREEN smoothie. And what's greener than wheat grass? Nothing. It smells precisely like green and tastes like it, too. I bought a big tub of it in powder form off of Amazon. Because you know it's good for you if it's expensive!

This discovery has afforded me such luxuries as eating cheddar and sour cream ruffles coated in ranch dip for lunch. Since one tablespoon of wheat grass powder gives me, like, eight days worth of vegetables, I see no reason why not.

Remember in - maybe it was the 90's, when juice bars starting popping up, and douchebags started drinking wheat grass shots and proclaiming themselves the epitome of healthy lifestyle? Yeah, I'm finally catching up on that trend.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I hope she doesn't come after me next

I spent like 45 minutes this morning reading up on the whole feud between that one chick and Dooce. That is time I will never get back, especially since Marlo slept over at Gangee and Pop-Pop's and I was free to luxuriate. Seems like a waste, but really it's exactly the sort of thing one is apt to do when one is free from the burden of monitoring the personal hygiene, caloric intake and gross motor development of another for a few hours.

I will summarize my learnings thusly: I get why Dooce is pissed, but she seems a little extra pissed. Like barometer pointing slightly toward "unhinged." The other chick just seems like a mean bitch. I think the whole thing is a little bit acting out high school all over again - Dooce feels all nerdy and picked on and the other one is just an insecure mean girl and really, why am I still thinking about this again? Geez.

I saw an old friend from high school last night, and when he asked me what I'm doing these days I said staying home with the baby all-apologetic like. I need to quit that.