Monday, May 31, 2010

She's Here!

The Baby Formerly Known As Pork Chop arrived right on time.

Little Miss Marlo Madeleine was born on Thursday, May 27th at 9:32 am. She weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and was 19 and a quarter inches long. She has become exponentially more beautiful and amazing every minute since her arrival. Even the moments that have completely sucked have been better than I ever imagined.

Gee, looking at this picture, can you tell which one of us went through nine hours of unmedicated labor and childbirth and which one watched? The nine hours from midnight to nine a.m., mind you, the ones where you would normally be sleeping. And yes, you saw that right, I said unmedicated. But I'm not going to claim I'm a hero - at least not on Memorial Day. Maybe tomorrow.

I have lots and lots to say about the whole experience, and I hope to say it soon. I will have to make the time between applying dibucaine to my maxi pad and stuffing bags of frozen peas in my nursing bra - but stay tuned if you want the gory details.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Everything is done. Literally. Everything.

I've got nothing left to do except have the baby. For reals. I'm washing the last two days worth of laundry right now, just to be doing something. I always thought I was way too lazy to do any of that crazy pregnant lady stuff you read about, like washing all the walls or scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush. But now I see how it's possible.

Look, I've organized all the closets.

The hospital bag is actually packed, and I actually stick my glasses and makeup and stuff in it every day so that it is actually ready to go.

And check this out! I am SO considerate that I went and made an instruction sheet for the laundry! Now nobody has to wake me from my nap to go ahead and do a load for me. Aren't I sweet?

There's plenty of other stuff for which I have no pictures. Like the freezers full of food, complete with excel spreadsheet inventory...

Monday, May 24, 2010

Before to After

More nursery information.

My sister, her boyfriend, Husband and I did all the painting. The boyfriend was kind enough to hang the chair rail for us in exchange for dinner. Husband really earned his Dad stripes by installing the ceiling fan, replacing an outlet (with only a minor electrical shock), and installing the closet system - which, by the way, required major Dad jimmy-rigging to make work. The sawing of metal was involved. Oh yeah, he also hung the new blinds, which also required rigging in the form of shims and gorilla glue.

As for me,  I did a lot of exhausting visionary-ing and order barking. I did put together the little Ikea shelf, organized and put everything away, and applied the owl mural. There is a moon that goes with, but it won't stay up. I contacted the manufacturer and they were kind enough to send me a replacement set which should be here any day.

I can honestly say I've never put quite so much effort into decorating and organizing a room. I really love it, even if she never remembers it. I'm lucky that my sister understood my vision early on and was a big help in collecting good stuff - like the perfect baskets that she found.

You might be wondering why we don't have a crib - well, we have one coming. I'm just waiting for the current occupant to turn three on June 18th. Then it's ours. For now the Pack-n-Play makes a good changing table-slash-nap spot. If only I can keep the cats out.

Some before and after for your viewing pleasure:

 The room being prepped - note we painted the window which was huge ass pain

Auntie prepping the closet

Some sort of shadow people working

Work pants and the ceiling fan

Hard at work on the closet


Sunday, May 23, 2010

Saturday, May 22, 2010

39, make that 40 weeks

Imagine my surprise when I went to my weekly doctor's appointment yesterday, and the nurse greeted me with a hearty "tomorrow's the day!" You see, I have been (not) laboring under the premise that my due date was next Thursday, the 27th. The due date based on certain information regarding my body and personal activities that I am privy to and my doctor is not.

Turns out that sort of specific information is considered useless by the medical profession, as they like to base things off of the more imprecise yet more easily computed Last Menstrual Period. So regardless of what sort of helpful information I could provide, my doctor spun her little wheel and wrote down the 22nd. And that is all that matters. My twenty week ultrasound put my due date at the 26th - which is only one day off from what I told her, you might notice - but because it's within some sort of statistical variance allowance, the 22nd rules.

Why do you care? You might be asking. Don't you want that baby out of you anyway? Isn't this good news? It is good news, I guess. I have fast-forwarded through the last week of pregnancy and now I'm really truly an ANY MOMENT NOW pregnant lady. The problem is that now we are 10 days away from getting induced rather than 15. If I have not delivered by next Friday, the doctor is going to schedule me for an induction after the holiday weekend. So now you're all, who cares? What's the big deal about getting induced? Right?

The big deal is that getting induced makes taking the drugs and getting the epidural way more likely. It makes getting a C-section way more likely. All along I have had "get induced" at the top of my "things to be avoided" list. So now I guess my focus has to be on releasing whatever fear I'm holding onto and convincing this baby that she will be much, much more comfortable on the outside.

Is it wrong to visualize myself with a baby in one arm and a glass of wine in the other? Whatever works, right?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I have things to show you, but I'm lazy

Soon I will show you the results of all the nesty business I've been up to. Like the freezer brimming with food and the nursery in all its completed glory. But for now I am feeling lazy and worn out and oh generally 39 WEEKS PREGNANT and I don't feel like getting the camera.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Why all the talk about plushies?

Since we've finally caught up on Lost, we have time to watch other tv shows. So imagine my surprise when we played the episode of House from three weeks ago and that curmudgeonly doctor was talking about Plushies! Wow, Tina Fey, you totally got scooped.

I think the real question here is, what is going on in the world that Plushies are on the collective subconscious? And then the next question is, why has this turned into a plushy blog?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Nothing left to do but wait...

See that? That's Husband busy indulging my every nesting whim. I just couldn't sleep knowing that there was dirt under the living room rug. It was a nice touch on his part to vacuum IN BETWEEN the pad and the rug - I just wanted him to get around the edges, really.

That Husband, I tell ya. What a saint. He only rolled his eyes at me once or twice this weekend, and I think the orders I had barked were ridiculous enough to deserve it even. Maybe.

We moved the bassinet into our bedroom. That's kind of a weird feeling. Of course now that it's in the bedroom, the cats have become thoroughly fascinated with it. I am hoping to resolve this problem thusly:

See that ugly doll Ugly Doll in there? That was Husband's first stuffed animal purchase specifically for his daughter.  Oh it made my heart grow three sizes when he picked that out. I'll have you know that instead of "stuffed animal" at first I typed "plushy," and then realized that plushy has an alternate meaning. Damn, this parenthood business is just a minefield of potential CPS questioning!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I'm getting pretty well moved in to the new/old digs here.

I wanted to move blogs because I felt a little too limited by the baby pork chop thing. First of all, I haven't thought of the baby as Pork Chop for several months now - the hazard I guess of deciding on her (secret) real name. Plus, I realized that it was short sighted of me to name and base the blog after the temporary name for my fetus - seeing as time marches on and she'll be a real human being soon. And, God willing, I will not be pregnant all the time.

Plus, this blog is named after ME. And really it's all about ME, right? Even when it's about somebody or something else? I'm just trying to do what Oprah says and carve out a space for ME instead of making it all about my kid or my husband or whatever.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oh and by the way

You have probably noticed that I'm messing with the format again. Please bear with me, all two of you.

9cm to go

Good news from the doctor yesterday. I'm a centimeter dilated! Which means nothing. But it gives me some hope to cling to. Now if only I had some sign that this cold might end soon, too...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

38 Weeks: The descent into madness

Do you see these lists? These are the lists of a crazy person. A crazy person who was up at 5 a.m. yesterday, vacuuming the laundry room and washing baby clothes. Sterilizing baby bottles that might see some action a month from now. Maybe.

But look, my little fashion maven's closet is pretty well in order.

I wish I could say the same for my closet. I got as far as taking everything out of it before I lost my momentum and needed a rest.

Oh, and here is my hospital bag. Yeah, probably going to want to get hopping on that one.

I cried today because the cat wouldn't stop meowing at me when I was trying to make myself something to eat. Husband reminded me of some study that said cats make the same noise as newborns to make humans feed them, and assured me that I probably only cried because I'm so hormonally geared to be sensitive to crying now. I think it was nice of him to say, but probably I cried because I am just that crazy.

I'm beginning to get miserable enough physically and mentally that I get why women just want it over with at this point. I think I'd be fine going the two weeks to my due date, but after that ... I don't want to think about it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mother's Day is a good racket

I had intended to bitch and moan about the stupid head cold that is robbing me of my last days of pregnancy in this post - but my inaugural Mother's Day was so great that I feel like too much of a brat doing that.

But I will just state, for the record, that this cold has been rather unpleasant and I hate it.

Enough about things I hate. On to things I love. Like Husband. Have I mentioned that he is the best ever? Not only did he make me pancakes, but he went to Starbucks and got me coffee cake. So I started my morning with the coffee cake course and moved on to the pancakes and bacon course.

He also got me flowers and presents. Here is the awful photograph I took of what was waiting for me when I got out of bed.

I blame the off-center crookedness on the fact that my equilibrium was so off from my ears being totally clogged that I was listing to the right all day.

I also got presents from my parents and my sister, and cards and texts from friends. Random strangers wished me a happy Mother's Day. What a racket! A whole extra day where people have to be nice to you and do what you want. Totally right up my alley.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I felt that one

Looky, kids, you know what that is? That's a contraction! Not a very good or efficient one, but one that you can feel nonetheless. I know this because I saw that little spike on the bottom there just as I was thinking OW OW OW.

I got hooked up to the fetal monitor on Wednesday because Little Miss decided she wanted to sleep all morning, which caused me enough concern that I gave in and called the doctor, and the doctor had me come in for a Non-Stress Test. Of course she woke up in the car on the way downtown and was perfectly fine all along. Of course my doctor had to go and deliver a baby in the middle of this, so my 20 minutes on the machine turned into an hour and twenty. But better to be safe than sorry and all that.

It was kind of cool to get hooked up and watch the contractions go by, especially once it was established that the baby was fine and dandy and behaving entirely appropriately for a TERM FETUS. The actual painful knot-below-the-belly-button ones come a little more often now, but not so often that I don't have to remind myself every time that that's what it is. I often wonder at first why I'm getting a tummy ache. Uh, doi.

So basically now we just wait. I have wrapped up most of my loose ends, but I do still need some stuff - like bathing supplies. I have no baby bathing supplies. This may have something to do with my subconscious desire to avoid bathing the baby until she is a year old. First bath just always looks so horrible for everybody involved.

For the most part though, I think we have enough stuff and books and internet access to keep the kid alive were she to be born this afternoon. However I hope she'll hold off at least two days - Husband has big rowdy plans tonight and I really would rather not be The One With That Drunk/Hungover Guy on the L&D floor.