I'm sure you probably guessed it, but that stuffed crust pizza was a huge mistake. I swear I could feel my kidneys shuddering as I tried to digest the stuff. The advertising is just so damn persistent! And really the catalyst was being in the airport. I saw a guy eating a personal pan pizza from the airport terminal pizza hut and I was hooked. And he even threw half of it in the garbage! I was incensed. I thought about retrieving it but that would be disgusting. About .5% more disgusting than eating one fresh.
It is funny, though, how you feel like garbage and you crave garbage. Why can't I be smart enough to crave kale and spinach and stuff when I'm stressed? Is it Darwinism in action? The weaker, more susceptible to stress among us eat garbage and die? Probably. Oh wait, I forgot, evolution doesn't exist. It's because the snake gave Eve the apple so therefore you should resist all health food.
Oprah has some new thing to make you look 20 years younger. That would mean I would look 12. I think I'll pass.