Wednesday, March 24, 2010


So about a week ago, I was minding my own business, sunning myself and reading a book, when all of a sudden there was such a commotion in my belly that I almost barfed. I made some sort of gagging/yelping sound which caused my dear husband to look up from his own reading and toward my vibrating jello-mold of a midsection. "What just happened?" was his rather casual inquiry.

I don't know exactly what happened. I can tell you it felt like baby girl channeled her future teenage self and gave me a big gah, whatever!, a turn on the heels, and a slam of the bedroom door. All within the confines of my uterus. It was as big of a movement out of her as I have felt, and one that frankly I hope I don't feel again. It was gross. The fact that I was in my giant purple pregnancy bikini and therefore had a relatively unobstructed view didn't help any.

Point of story is that ever since that incident, I have been able to feel her much more clearly. It's almost like what I felt was her turning into a tiny little Incredible Hulk and now she's in there all green and muscle-y. I can feel her little heel dig into my right side when she stretches her legs, and I can feel what I thought must be her head or her butt pushing out to the left of my navel. I can actually cup my hand around it and move her around. It's crazy.

So I tell this to the ultrasound lady, so she moves the wand over to check it out. "Oh yeah!" she says, all enthusiastic, "that's her shoulder!"

Ummm. Excuse me WHAT? That big thing I thought was a butt? That big pointy thing I can grab from the outside? That is a FRIGGEN SHOULDER?

Sweet Jesus. The girl has hulk shoulders. I've mentioned that I am attempting a natural childbirth, right?? Do you have any idea how idiotic that sounds now? How suddenly disappointed I am that she's all head down and good to go and not some impossibly-positioned breech baby that I can just call up the hospital and schedule to be removed from me?

I guess the silver lining is that I can only feel ONE shoulder. So there's hope. But suffice to say I'm feeling a little wary about going any further with this whole "let's have a baby" thing.


Leopard Girl said...

I think it is best you don't read Breaking Dawn anytime soon :)

It's me ...Mavis said...

Leopard Girl... that was funny!